If you get any single man talking, he will confess pretty quickly that men, on the whole, have very little idea how women think. It’s a mystery to us. We think we do, and about the time we think we have it all figured out, the woman in our lives does or says something that totally confuses us and blows our theory right out of the water.
For men, one of the most puzzling things about women is what makes a man attractive to them. We always think it has to be the stunning good looks of a Tom Cruise, or a muscule-bound athlete, or that guy with the six-pack, bronze skin, jet black hair, and the eyes and body of an Adonis that would set a woman’s heart on fire.
Then you see women with the ugliest guy in the group and that guy seems to be the one that attracts the most gorgeous women in the club. Why is that!? Or why are they attracted to an older man, with white hair or, worse yet, to a married man who may not be even trying to impress the girls. The attraction of these unlikely men for women is just baffling to those of us who are trying hard to be the kind of guy a woman would want to spend time with, get to know, and fall in love with.
So, clearly, we need a new formula for what attracts women so we can reshape how we present ourselves to them. From what we have observed and from reading women writers, we have learned that what we suspect is true, our preconceived ideas of what makes a man attractive, is off base at best and total fiction at worst. So what is it that makes a man exciting and attractive to women?
Looks Are a Small Part of It
Don’t be deceived. Yes, good looks and rugged sexuality are attractive to women. There is no question that when a woman sees a sexy guy, she sighs and admires the sight. But when you get past that initial sigh, she may not be drawn to that hunk at all—at least when it comes to finding a guy she really wants to get to know better and spend time with.
The truth is, women are far more attracted to virtues and “qualities of the heart”, as well as your values, than she is to your looks. Knowing that, you can adjust how you present yourself. It is always best to present yourself as a neat, well groomed man, but look within yourself for the values that will really make the women gravitate toward you.
The Top Ten
The reason certain physical traits are attractive is because they physically portray inner strength and other values and ethics that make a man unique and desirable for a woman. To help us round out our new rules for how to be the perfect guy for your girl, here is a list of ten values that women find attractive in guys. If the guy she is drawn to has some or all of these qualities, she will feel aroused and thrilled by him whether he is a prince or a toad.
Intelligence. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a Ph.D. in physics to be a loving boyfriend. But the ability to think, to use your mind to solve problems and discuss things intelligently with her is a huge draw for women.
Honesty is very high on a woman’s list of values. That is why some flirtation actually turns women off. A girl will gladly leave the club with the guy who is honest with her and demonstrates that he will always be truthful. She’d rather be with someone who is a straight-shooter, and not into playing mind games, than with the guy with the white teeth and perfect hair cut but who comes off like a phony player when flirting.
Shyness is actually attractive to girls. If you are a bit retiring in groups and shy around her, that brings out the mother in her and she feels safe to nurture you and your relationship. When guys are too bold with girls, the woman often feels threatened and overwhelmed—sometimes even stalked—and they must feel safe with you to feel loving.
Your sense of humor will pay off well with the girl you adore. A woman likes a guy who doesn’t take himself, life, or even her too seriously. That ability to use humor in all kinds of situations shows a strong coping skill which means you will be a good companion and provider long term.
Care about her. If you take the time to let her be herself and show that you are as fascinated with her as you are with yourself, her inner self will blossom for you and all the love in her heart will come to you with that princess inside her.
Communicate. Women love men who are able to talk about what they feel. It doesn’t come naturally to some men, but be open with your woman and let her know you want to share everything with her and she will share everything with you.
Self-confidence is very important to your girl because she wants to know you are comfortable in your own skin. Sure, you can be shy and vulnerable, but it takes a strong, confident man to be able to share those weaknesses openly. A quiet strength that comes from within is the magic that draws women to you.
Values and a belief system mean a lot to women because they want to know you stand for something. Values imply integrity and integrity means you will be a faithful and loyal friend to her . . . as well as the lover of her dreams.
Be reliable. Be the type of person others can rely on. When you give your word, keep it and expect the same from her. That is the kind of strength that makes a woman sigh much more than muscles on your arms or chest. Strength of character is far sexier to a woman than physical power.
Be fun, creative, and always ready for something new. Then she knows she will never be bored with you.
Where Do They Get These Ideas?
A misconception of where women get their concepts of beauty and what makes a man thrilling is that they get them from the media, from magazines or movies, or even from boys they know or men they have dated. No. Long before a woman ever dates her first guy, she already has the image of the perfect man well defined in her mind.
Now we know that the origin of that image is not supermodels or movie stars. They get their image of what a man should be from their fathers. So if you want to know in greater detail what a woman looks for in a guy, meet her dad and get to know him; there is the soil from which the perfect man has sprung in your girl's mind. But there are values in all fathers that do translate over to what she wants in her boyfriend.
Dads are strong and protecting. She feels safe with him and knows that she can be herself—his love for her is unconditional. If she feels that coming from you, it’s easy for her feelings to come to the surface for you.
Dads are faithful and loyal. They are always there for their family and they would never hurt their wives or daughters. Kindness, firmness, and rock solid devotion to your woman reminds her of dad and makes you that “knight in shining armor” to her.
Dads and fun and relentlessly loving. If she can become a “little girl” when around you, that is something that takes her back to the sweet times of growing up. And once she can giggle and play in your presence, or come to you for a cuddle when life hurts her, that little girl will become an affectionate woman in your arms.
We are often puzzled why women are drawn to married men or older men, and perhaps one reason for that is that their basis for what an attractive man is comes from their father. Moreover, it is probably because married men are confident and don’t have anything to prove, and that gives a woman a feeling of safety and a desire to stay close to such a guy. Like a big strong tree, she wants to be under that guy’s protection in a storm.
Now these are not always things that are easy to bring out when flirting with a girl in a club. But if you begin to present yourself to the women you wish to meet as an honest, sincere man of integrity and values, you will find that you are the “ugly guy getting the girl”, and all the guys who worked hard to be hunks will wonder what secrets you have learned about women. You can share them or keep them to yourself and enjoy the benefits of love, romance and dating excitement for years to come.
